


Out of My Mind

by Electra_XT



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Getting Together, M/M, Number Five Never Left AU, Sexual Tension, Sibling Incest, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra_XT/pseuds/Electra_XT
Summary: “What happened?” Diego said. He looked down at himself. “Am I hurt?”What happened?echoed a voice from the back of his head.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 52
Kudos: 467





	Out of My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where Five never left the Academy; they're all 17 here.
> 
> Minor content warning for Diego’s body image/obsessive working out— it’s touched on lightly, but if it’s a trigger, heads up.

“This is shaping up to be the best mission we’ve ever had,” Klaus said, lounging in the far back seat of the Rolls-Royce.

The car ride had gone on long enough that all of them had started to melt. At the wheel, Allison’s shoulders were set, but in the back, Ben’s shoulders were slumped, and Klaus had his feet propped in Ben’s lap. In front of them, Diego picked at the surface of his knife with his fingernail. There was this one little scratch he couldn’t get out.

Five had unbuckled his seatbelt next to him, and his legs were stretched out in front of him, indolent and careless.

“No Dad,” Klaus said.

“God bless,” Diego said.

“No Luther,” Klaus said.

“God  _ bless _ ,” Diego said.

“Diego, he’s not here because he broke his leg on the last mission,” Allison said.

“—and it’s not even high stakes,” Klaus continued blithely, picking up the folder of case files and slapping it against his hand.

“Wait, it’s not?” Ben said.

“Yeah, I mean, we already did the work yesterday,” Klaus said. “When we nailed all the agents, remember? Now we’re just running cleanup.”

“Running cleanup in a secret agents’ headquarters,” Ben said. “Where dangerous things obviously are.”

“I wouldn’t say  _ dangerous _ ,” Klaus said.

“I wouldn’t say we nailed them all, either,” Allison said. She looked over at them in the rearview mirror. “We almost didn’t beat them. They took down Luther.”

Five tipped his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes.

“Yeah,” Ben said. “That’s what I meant. Those guys were in sync; they were dangerously competent.”

“We did beat them, though,” Diego said. “In the end.”

Except Allison wasn’t wrong, and they all knew.

“Okay,” Klaus said. “But the no Dad thing is still a win.”

“I cannot believe it took us turning seventeen to convince him that he doesn’t need to babysit us when we go out on missions,” Five said, stretching. “He’s overprotective.”

Klaus and Diego exchanged a look.

“He can be a little much,” Allison said.

Ben was silent.

“He cares too much about us,” Five said. “It’s condescending.”

_ I will cut him _ , Diego mouthed at Klaus. He tilted his head towards Five.

Five narrowed his eyes at them. Klaus snorted.

“He always wants to know our business,” Allison said.

“Yeah, that’s just a euphemism for ‘he caught me dry-humping Luther,’” Diego said.

Five snorted. Diego immediately regretted making him laugh.

“It’s kind of bad form to insult the one who’s driving the car,” Allison said.

“Or what?” Diego said. “You’ll crash?”

Allison met his eyes in the rearview mirror. “Let me rephrase. It’s bad form to insult me.”

“Allison, I’m genuinely interested to see if you ever have a functional, honest relationship in your life,” Klaus said. “It’s a fascinating question that I think about a lot.”

Allison looked directly at Klaus in the rearview mirror. “I heard a rumor you never brought that up again.”

Klaus’s eyes went cloudy.

“Allison,” Diego said.

“Oh, shut up,” Allison said. “Like you’re not flipping your knives in every direction just because you can.”

“That’s different,” Diego said. “And—”

“Allison, you’re bringing a gun to a knife fight, and you’re going to slowly alienate all of us by making us unable to trust you,” Five said.

A silence fell.

“I heard a rumor the last rumor was lifted,” Allison muttered.

Klaus’s eyes returned to normal. He blinked. “Whoa. You guys are quiet.”

“Allison rumored you,” Diego said. How had Five managed to make her listen to him? For a little dweeb, he had a way of making heads turn.

“Oh,” Klaus said. For a moment uncertainty flickered across his face, and then he smiled loosely. “Clouds up the brain like a charm. I’ll give you a pack of cigarettes if you make it stick for a whole night.”

“Two packs,” Allison said.

“A pack and some gossip?” Klaus said.

Five warped across the car and took the folder of case files from the floor next to Klaus, returning to his seat. “It’s a low-stakes mission, but not meaningless. We enter the compound, we sweep it for gadgets and clues.”

Klaus raised his hand.

“Yes, you can stay in the car,” Five said.

“Fabulous!” Klaus said.

“I’m taking the keys with me,” Allison said.

“That’s fine with me,” Klaus said.

“C’mon,” Diego said. “Have some self-respect, man.”

Klaus shook his head. Allison took a sharp turn, and everyone lurched. “So the rest of us go in?” she said.

“We’ll split up,” Five said. He flipped through the plans in the folder. “There appears to be a main room and three small closets. Allison, you can take the north closet; Ben, you can take the west; I’ll take the main room, and Diego—”

Diego’s knife landed half a centimeter from Five’s ear. “No way.”

Five reached up and plucked the blade out of the headrest. “Would you like to stay in the car as well, Diego?”

“I’m taking the main room,” Diego said.

“No,” Five said. “I said I was taking the main room.”

“It’s the  _ main room _ ,” Diego said. “Two people should take it.”

“There are three closets,” Five said. “Three people—”

“You think you’re so much better than us,” Diego said.

Five blinked at him, unfazed.

“I’m taking the main room too,” Diego said. “Whether you like it or not.”

“You’re redundant here,” Five said, leaning against a column as Diego arrived at the door of the main room.

“Because you could teleport here?” Diego said.

“Yes,” Five said. “I’m better equipped than you.”

“Uh huh,” Diego said. “So why haven’t you gone in yet?”

Five hesitated.

Diego shouldered past him, shoving open the door. “You know it’s a two-person job.”

The warehouse was smaller than it had looked from the outside. Diego stepped inside, looking warily around, and Five appeared at his side.

The space was deserted. If this was a secret lair, it had to have been a temporary one. It was almost completely empty, except for—

“That’s new,” Five said, eyes glued to the table in front of them.

On top of the table sat a glowing glass ball on a black stand. Inside it was a rod with a smaller ball at the end of it, and the entire device pulsed with an eerie glow, strings of blue light crackling from the center to the outside of the glass.

“Okay,” Diego said. “So the supervillains have a plasma ball.”

“That’s reductive,” Five said.

“I swear it’s actually one of those plasma ball toys,” Diego said. “Look at it.”

Five sighed.

The ball glowed, tendrils of light pulsing.

“Hardcore,” Diego said.

“It’s not that hardcore,” Five said.

“Nah, but check it,” Diego said. “Most of the time when we stumble onto a secret lair, it’s just a room with a hard drive in it.” He pointed at the glowing ball. “Magic.”

There was no word that tightened Five’s jaw more. 

“It’s not  _ magic _ ,” Five ground out.

“Kinda seems like it,” Diego said, grinning.

“What exactly do you think you’re gaining by playing dumb?” Five said.

“Not sure,” Diego said. “What do you think you’re gaining by trying to prove people wrong until they get sick of hanging out with you and give up?

Something flickered across Five’s face. Diego felt a pang of guilt, and he looked away.

“It appears to be collecting some type of charge,” Five said. “The sphere at the center probably acts like an electrode of some kind and produces a current. When the current flows through the filaments within the sphere, the filaments produce the lights.”

“Sure,” Diego said. “So why would an elite spy unit have a plasma ball toy in their bunker?”

“There are more types of energy than electricity,” Five said, eyes on the ball.

Diego worked his jaw. The problem with Five wasn’t that he was a nerdy know-it-all who acted like he was smart in place of a personality. The problem was that Five was  _ cool _ . He appeared and disappeared at will like an indoor-outdoor cat, indifferent and independent, swishing his tail without care of what might fall off the table. Every question someone had, he knew the answer to. Every homework problem, he’d already done two nights before. Every rule Reginald tried to enforce, he broke without consequence. 

Diego wanted to shove a pair of thick glasses on him and do up the top button of his shirt. Make him into the dweeb that anyone that good at physics was supposed to be. Give him a stutter.

“I think we should confiscate it,” Five said. “Reginald has the tools to analyze it in the lab.”

“I don’t want him breathing down my neck,” Diego said.

Five shot him a look of disgust. “Of course not. I’m going to keep the ball in my room and teleport down to study it while the rest of you are in individual training.”

“Fuck  _ off _ ,” Diego said.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Five said. “I’ll take care of it.”

“And act like I didn’t do any of it?” Diego said.

Five blinked. “Did you?”

“You’re not even giving me a chance to say if I have a plan,” Diego said.

“So what would you have us do?” Five said.

Diego opened his mouth and then closed it, cornered.

“Quite the plan,” Five said dryly.

“We should still collect it,” Diego said.

“I agree,” Five said, looking straight at it.

Diego eyed him. “If it works like a plasma ball, then we should be able to—”

“We should be able to touch it,” Five said.

“I told you we could safely touch it,” Diego said, reaching out at the same time. “It’s like one of those toys, you can just—”

“Nice of you to join me,” Luther said, watching Diego from his bed.

Diego sat up. He looked around. The infirmary was airless, the room too small for the hospital beds inside it, still and stifling.

“What happened?” Diego said. He looked down at himself. “Am I hurt?”

_ What happened? _ echoed a voice from the back of his head.

Diego frowned.

“I wasn’t there,” Luther said. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Diego said. He nodded at the cast on Luther’s leg. “But you must have seen me get wheeled in here.”

“You were all out on the mission without me,” Luther said dolefully. 

“Christ, are you really that desperate to be included?” Diego said.

“And you and Five went into an underground lair, apparently,” Luther continued.

“Everyone else was in there too,” Diego said. “We were just—”

_ We were just the first to stake it out _ , came the voice.

Diego shook himself. “We were going ahead. And we found this room, and there was this… plasma ball type thing.”

“A what?” Luther said.

Diego sighed. “Similar to a Van de Graaff generator.”

“Oh,” Luther said, comprehension dawning.

“Do you guys really not know about those plasma ball toys?” Diego said.

_ It’s not that I don’t know about them, but it’s less precise— _

“Shut  _ up _ ,” Diego said out loud.

Luther’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Nothing,” Diego said slowly.

Something was extremely wrong.

“So what happened when you went into the room with the generator?” Luther said.

“We touched it,” Diego said.

“At the same time?” Luther said.

“Yeah,” Diego said. “And the next thing I know, I’m waking up to your beautiful face.”

“You were both knocked out cold,” Luther said. “The rest of them had to go in and find you.”

Diego shifted, guilty.

_ Christ _ , came the voice in Diego’s head.

“Can you hear that?” Diego said out loud.

Luther’s brow furrowed. “Hear what?”

“The voice,” Diego said.

“Excuse me?” Luther said.

“Do you not…?”

_ He doesn’t? _

“What’s going on?” Diego said.

He felt a lurch of unfamiliar anxiety inside him, like someone was yanking on his strings. He looked around, stricken.

_ What’s going on? _

“I don’t know,” Diego said out loud.

Luther was staring at him.

There was a clatter in the hall. Diego and Luther turned, looking towards the door. Behind them, a figure appeared, dressed in an identical hospital gown as Diego.

“What’s going on?” Five said.

“What is the matter here?” Reginald said, sweeping into the infirmary.

“They seem to be telepathically linked,” Luther said. “Sir.”

“Either of us could have told you that,” Five said.

Reginald cast an eye down at the two of them. “Well,” he said. “Then we shall conduct a series of rigorous and comprehensive tests. You will both be occupied for the rest of the day.”

_ Oh, great, _ thought Diego and Five simultaneously.

“Whoa,” Allison said, looking up as Diego and Five stumbled out into the atrium. “What happened to you two?”

“A series of rigorous and comprehensive tests,” Diego and Five said at the same time.

They glared at each other.

“The rumors are true, then,” Klaus said. He held up two crossed fingers. “You two really are in sync.”

“I told you that as fact,” Luther said.

Diego ignored this. He scratched his arm, trying not to inflame the welts from where Reginald had injected them with the irritant earlier. The room was dim, and the curtains were drawn over the windows. “What time is it?”

“Eight,” Ben said. “You missed dinner.”

Five’s hunger weighed heavily in Diego’s gut, doubling his own. “Great,” he said.

“Did Grace save us any?” Five said.

Internally, Diego scowled.

_ What? _ Five thought.

_ Mom, _ Diego thought.  _ Not Grace _ .

_ Does it really matter? _

“Yeah, she made two plates,” Luther said. “I’d go get them, but…”

Allison patted his arm. “Klaus will get them.”

“What?” Klaus said. “You can’t volunteer someone else.”

“It’d be pretty twisted if you made the only girl in the group get dinner for the boys,” Allison said, eyes wide and innocent.

“Yeah, well, maybe you’re the prejudiced one for making the most feminine of the boys do it,” Klaus said. “If you were really subversive, you’d make Luther do it.”

“I broke my leg,” Luther said, pointing down at his cast.

“You’re not the most ‘feminine’ because you steal my dresses, Klaus,” Allison said.

A memory swam into Diego’s mind. The locker room two months ago, turning around to ask Klaus a question, seeing black lace where he’d expected boxer briefs.

_ Really? _

Diego startled.  _ Mind your own business. _

_ Apologies for being empathically linked to you. It’s obviously my fault. _

_ Just pretend you never saw that, _ Diego thought.  _ If it ever comes up. _

He could feel Five’s misgivings, but he ignored them. He cleared his throat. “Can someone just get it for us?”

Ben looked around, and when it was clear that none of them were going to do anything, sighed and stood up.

“Thanks,” Allison said.

“You guys could really stand to step up for yourselves,” Ben said.

Klaus blew him a kiss.

_ Are you and Klaus together? _

Diego blinked.  _ No. No way. _

_ Were you ever? _

_ Define together _ , Diego thought.

Five was irritated.  _ Sexually. _

_ Define sexually. _

_ Christ, _ Five thought. _ Just show me. _

_ I swear you don’t want to know. _

_ What are you trying to hide? _

Diego closed his eyes. He summoned the memory of charged nights alone together in Klaus’s room, staring at Klaus when Klaus wasn’t looking, trying to figure out if Klaus was wearing makeup or whether his eyes were really that expressive, electric brushes of skin, nights of liberation sneaking out— and then the nights where he showed up at Klaus’s room to find him vacant and slack, pills scattered on the desk, new tendrils of drawings and shaky prophecies climbing up his bedroom walls. Missed connections. Broken promises. Too much skin, seen too quickly. And the unpleasant, guilty knowledge that however long Diego looked at Klaus, Klaus gazed at Diego for twice as long in return.

“Guys?” Ben said. He came up to them, handing Diego and Five two laden plates.

Five cleared his throat. Diego could feel how thrown he was. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Are you guys having a mind gossip sesh?” Klaus said.

Five looked at Klaus.

_ You have to promise not to tell anyone, _ Diego thought.

_ Who would I tell? _

“Are you thinking about me?” Klaus said.

“Yes,” Five said.

_ Five! _

_ Relax, _ Five sent him.  _ He thinks we’re kidding. _

“Oh, well then,” Klaus said. “I hope you’re admiring how good my ass looks in my off-duty pants.” He indicated his black skinny jeans that were more holes than fabric.

“Those pants?” Five said. “Atrocious.”

“They’re like this on purpose,” Klaus said. “Distressed _. _ ”

“They’re certainly distressing me,” Five said. He went over and sat on the couch farthest away from Diego, tucking his feet under him. “It’s too much, you’ve crossed the line. You might as well wear fishnets at this point.”

“Ooh,” Klaus said, perking up. “Maybe I should.”

_ You’d like that, _ Five sent Diego.

Diego, midway through sitting down in the armchair, went cold.  _ Don’t. _

“Do you own fishnets?” Klaus said, reaching out with his foot and poking Allison with his toes.

Allison caught his foot and squeezed it punishingly hard. “Yes.”

_ Seriously, _ Diego thought.  _ Drop it. _

_ Apologies _ .

“Would you let me borrow them?” Klaus said.

“For a price,” Allison said.

“I’ve offered to go down on you like a million times and I’m not even straight,” Klaus said.

“You are so bad at offering things that people actually want,” Allison said.

Luther cleared his throat. “So what did the tests find?”

“That Dad is a dick,” Diego said.

Ben looked up. “What did he do?”

“Nothing terrible, he’s overreacting,” Five said. He took a bite of food. “There was just a certain amount of—”

“— physical torture to see whether we can feel each other’s pain,” Diego finished.

Klaus’s face went sober.

Luther frowned. “Torture?”

“That’s a strong word for it,” Five said. He picked at his fingernail. “More… experimentation.”

“Maybe not torture,” Diego said. He held out his arm. “He didn’t waterboard us or anything. But look. He cut us with a knife, injected us with a mild poison, hit us where he knew it would bruise—”

He waited an infinitesimal second for Klaus to purr  _ kinky _ , but it didn’t come.

Inside his mind, Five was deeply unimpressed.

“So can you feel each other’s pain?” Ben said.

“Yes,” Five said.

“That’s a liability,” Luther said immediately. “Being synchronized like that— that’s not natural. If one of you— if something really bad happened to you, would it…?”

“Are you asking if Diego would die if I was killed?” Five said.

There was a guilty silence from everybody.

Diego shifted. “We don’t think so.”

“But if he can feel your pain,” Allison said—

“I can feel his pain, but I don’t get the wound,” Five said. “It’s a phantom sensation. When Diego gets cut, it stings, but I don’t bleed.”

“So if Diego died, you’d feel dead?” Ben said.

“Don’t kill me to check,” Diego said.

“Obviously we’re not going to kill you,” Luther said.

“Yeah,” Ben said. “I’m just thinking now about what it would be like to  _ feel _ dead.”

“From what I hear, it isn’t good,” Klaus said.

“Well,” Five said. “Extra incentive not to kill or maim any of your brothers.”

“What about other physical effects?” Allison said. “Like— if Diego lost ten pounds, would Five lose weight too?”

“No,” Diego said. “He’d  _ feel _ like he’d lost weight, maybe.” He smirked. “But he’s enough of a twink already, I wouldn’t wanna put him through that.”

Five pinched his own wrist hard enough that Diego gasped.

“That’s freaky,” Klaus said, watching them.

“It’s not like a 1:1 transmission,” Diego said. “I feel it a little less than he does. For a lot of sensations, it doesn’t even register.”

“Like a shadow,” Allison said.

“Yeah,” Diego said. “Exactly.”

“Can you read each other’s minds?” Ben said.

“Define—” Diego started.

“Mind reading,” Five finished the sentence.

Diego flipped him off.

“Simpatico!” Klaus said.

“You would clean up at the Newlywed Game,” Allison said.

“That would require being married,” Diego said.

“The Umbrella Academy has survived a lot of bad press, but incestuous child marriage might be the last straw,” Five said idly.

Diego snorted.

“But seriously,” Ben said. “Can you?”

Five sighed.

“Kind of,” Diego said.

“Can you communicate?” Luther said. “Like the, uh, agents did— can you send each other explicit messages?”

_ Yes, _ Five thought.

Diego snorted again.

Allison rolled her eyes. “God, if the two of you are just going to be all inside jokes…”

“Yeah, we can communicate,” Diego said.

“But beyond that?” Ben pressed. “Can you see into each other’s minds when you’re not trying?”

Diego looked at Five.

“Yes,” Five said.

“It’s like a radio station,” Diego said. “We can tune it in and out.”

“Can you ever turn it off, though?” Klaus said.

_ God help us, _ Five thought.

“Not really,” Five said out loud.

“Jesus,” Ben said.

“Yeah,” Diego said. “Yeah.”

The room was silent.

“It goes in and out depending on how distracted we are,” Diego said. “And it’s not— it’s not like I can see exactly though his eyes.”

“He’d have to actively tell me what he was looking at,” Five said.

“But he’s always in there,” Diego said.

“That’s crazy,” Allison said. “And are you going to be like this… forever?”

“Of course not,” Five said. “There’s a way to fix it. If it was done, it has to be able to be undone.”

Luther looked dourly at his cast. “That’s not always true.”

Diego shifted, uncertain.

Five looked at him. “We’ll fix it in no time,” he said. “I promise.”

Diego and Five fielded questions from the others for the rest of the evening. The interest slowed to a trickle as late dinner bled into nighttime, and eventually the rest of the siblings filed out, bidding their goodnights— except for two.

“Jesus,” Diego said, turning around to find Luther hovering behind him. “Should you even be walking?”

“Tell me what the mechanism was,” Luther said, leaning on his cast. He nodded at Five. “Not in layman’s terms.”

Five sighed. “There was a device—”

“A plasma ball,” Diego said.

“It seemed to be collecting a charge like a Van de Graaff generator of some kind,” Five continued, looking at Luther. “But not electricity.”

Luther frowned. “I can’t visualize that.”

“I can tell you,” Diego said. “It looked like a—”

“You’re not part of this,” Five told him.

“Like fuck I’m not,” Diego said.

“If it wasn’t electricity, what was it?” Luther said.

“I believe it was collecting some sort of psychic energy,” Five said.

“That’s not possible,” Luther said.

“Did you think it was it possible for two humans to become telepathically linked?” Five said.

Over Luther’s shoulder, Diego caught sight of Klaus skulking by the wall. He frowned, peering over at him.

“So that’s how the agents were so in-sync,” Luther said. “They could literally see into each other’s minds.”

“That’s my hypothesis,” Five said. “By touching it at the same time, I think Diego and I inadvertently got connected to each other.”

Diego made eye contact with Klaus, who looked surprised to be seen. Diego tipped his head, beckoning him in.

Klaus pointed at himself disbelievingly.

Diego nodded. It wasn’t like he was interested in hearing what Luther had to say.

Five shot Diego a look. “So the question, I suppose, is how to split us again. Keep us from tapping into the same psychic source.”

Luther rubbed his temples. “I hate this.”

“So do I,” Five said.

“I wish I’d been there,” Luther said.

Diego felt a twofold spike of annoyance in his mind— his own and Five’s.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Klaus said, slinking into the conversation.

_ Diego wants to see you in fishnets _ , flashed through Five’s mind.

_ You gotta give that up, man, _ Diego thought.

“Still all tangled up in each other?” Klaus said, leaning his weight nonchalantly on a chair and tripping as it moved under him.

Five was irritated. “Yes,” he said. “Your insights aren’t appreciated.”

“That’s uncalled for,” Klaus said. “When have I ever not been useful?”

The three of them looked at him disbelievingly.

Klaus waved a hand. “Don’t mind me. I’m just here for gossip. Hearing about your travails with the Psychic Orb.”

Inside Diego’s mind, Five stifled a laugh.

“You’re inane,” Five said out loud.

Diego eyed him.

“Does the Mind Orb sound better?” Klaus said. “It has to be an orb. That part has to be in there. It was an orb, right?”

“Yeah, it was an orb,” Diego said.

“Oh, perfect,” Klaus said. “So we can brainstorm different kinds of orbs. Like maybe a Thought Orb, or an Energy Orb, or even a Soul Orb—”

“Stop saying orb,” Five said.

Luther sighed. “Good luck,” he said. He looked at Five, and then he looked at Diego. “I believe in you. You can fix this.”

Diego shifted. Luther had never been nice to him before.

_ That’s not true, _ Five thought.

_ He’s a dick, _ Diego thought back.

_ Maybe. But he does care about you. _

Diego brushed him off. “You got any ideas, Klaus?”

“So many!” Klaus said, eyes lighting up. “First of all, I mean, why are you guys still talking out loud?”

_ That’s a good question _ , Five thought.

Diego laughed.

“Oh, this is actually way worse,” Klaus said. “Talk out loud again. I feel excluded.”

_ He won’t know if we keep excluding him, _ Diego thought.

Five snorted.

“Anyway, point the second,” Klaus said.

“Shoot,” Diego said.

Klaus flexed his hands. “So if he can feel your pain, does that mean he can feel your…”

“My what,” Diego said, sensing nothing good.

“Your pleasure,” Klaus said. “If you go out and fuck a girl, does Five get hard?”

“If you try this, I will kill you,” Five told Diego.

“Can’t kill me if it kills you, chief,” Diego said.

“Does it count as a threesome?” Klaus said.

Diego grinned at Five. He could feel how carefully Five was trying to put up a wall to keep Diego from seeing into him.

“Maybe that thing you were touching was a Sex Orb,” Klaus said. “For enhanced pleasure.”

The phrase  _ anal beads _ flitted into Diego’s mind from Five’s, and then a flash of embarrassment when he remembered Diego could hear him.

“It wasn’t a sex orb,” Five said. “Fuck off.”

“Aren’t sex orbs those things on a string that I found one time in your dresser drawer, bud?” Diego said.

“Oh, anal beads?” Klaus said.

Five’s eyes widened.

“Well, in that case, make sure that your Sex Orbs have a ring or otherwise flared base for safe and easy removal,” Klaus said. “It would add insult to injury if they got—”

_ Sorry _ , Diego sent to Five.

_ You’d better be _ .

“We’re going,” Diego said out loud. He reached for Five’s arm, suppressing a shiver when he felt the phantom grasp of fingers on his own bicep.

Diego was brushing his teeth before bed when he felt Five clear his throat.

He ignored him. He could turn the radio dial down, he told himself. This was his time, and if Five needed him, he could seek him out through normal means.

_ Diego. _

Diego stuck his toothbrush deeper into his mouth. Having another person in his mind was absolutely manageable. He was doing great.

_ I can feel that you hear me _ .

The key, Diego reflected, was setting boundaries.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp, unforgiving pinch on the inside of his elbow. 

He jerked back.  _ What the fuck is wrong with you? _ he thought.

_ I don’t know how else to get your attention _ , Five thought.

_ You should not be getting my attention, _ Diego thought.  _ I should be crawling into bed. _

_ We need to set out some terms. _

Diego raised one eyebrow in the mirror.

_ I need to know that this temporary situation won’t make either of us a liability. _

Diego took his time rinsing out his mouth, and then he spat in the sink.

_ Diego, _ Five thought. _ Don’t act like this doesn’t matter. _

_ It’s a temporary situation, _ Diego thought.  _ Like you said. _

_ It’s the situation we’re in right now. _

_ But you’re going to fix it, _ Diego thought.

Five’s mind was quiet.

_ Jesus, _ Diego thought, stomach dropping.  _ You don’t actually know how to fix it, do you? _

_ I’m working on it, _ Five thought brittlely.

_ I thought you had an answer for everything, _ Diego thought.

Five inhaled, and then exhaled.

Diego looked up at himself, unsettled. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been counting on him.  _ Tell me more about your terms, then _ .

He could feel Five’s discomfort.  _ As it stands… technically, you can see into my mind all the time. _

_ Not just technically, _ Diego thought.

_ That doesn’t make it better. _

Diego worked his jaw. He studied his face in the mirror. In the lighting of the bathroom, without pretense or framing, his complexion looked washed-out and exhausted. He’d already taken his confidence off for the night.

He never let anyone see him with the mask down.

_ Shall I wait for you to finish preening? _

_ You’re right, _ Diego thought. He tilted his head, watching himself.  _ We need to deal with this. _

Five scoffed.  _ What tipped you off? That I can feel you thinking about how you’re not as hot as you think you are? _

Diego recoiled.

There was a beat. Five’s remorse trickled guiltily down Diego’s spine.

_ Too far _ , Five thought.  _ Apologies. _

_ Are you usually that mean about the rest of us inside your head? _ Diego thought.

Five shifted.  _ Inside thoughts are inside thoughts. _

_ Great, _ Diego thought.  _ Glad none of the rest of us wasted our friendship on you. _

Five flared with hurt.

Diego winced.  _ Sorry. _

_ Now we’re even _ , Five thought, shaken.

_ Inside thoughts are inside thoughts, _ Diego thought.  _ It’s not fair to make you feel like you have to keep your guard up all the time. _

Five was skeptical.

_ I’m serious, _ Diego thought.  _ If we’re gonna be stuck like this, we have to cut each other a little slack. _

_ Mutually assured destruction. _

Diego shook his head.  _ You’re a little maudlin sometimes. _

_ We both have too much ammunition. If either of us went for the jugular, we’d annihilate each other. _

Diego stared at himself in the mirror.

_ Do you trust me? _

_ Do I have a choice? _ Diego thought.

There was a flicker of uncertainty.  _ You have to be all in. There’s no other option. _

_ I’m all in, _ Diego thought.  _ I swear. _

_ You swear? _

_ Look into my mind, _ Diego thought.  _ You want to see for yourself? _

He could feel Five’s concentration sharpening. He held perfectly still, unable to breathe, and he closed his eyes, filling his thoughts with sincerity.  _ I won’t hurt you, _ he thought.

Five retreated.

_ Good, _ he sent.

Diego swallowed.  _ We’re cool? _

_ Yeah, _ Five thought. The voice inside his mind was a lot less polished than his speaking voice.  _ We are. _

_ All right _ , Diego thought.  _ Go to bed. _

Five was unimpressed.  _ You go to bed _ .

_ Yeah, I’m going, _ Diego thought.  _ You in your pajamas? All comfy? _

Five’s disdain blossomed. The next moment, Diego’s mind overflowed with a mental image: Five was standing in his bedroom, paused in his pacing. He’d eschewed the dumb corny Academy pajama top in favor of an undershirt, and the pajama pants hung low on his hips. His hair was disheveled, like he’d been running his hands through it, and his expression was lost in thought.

Diego’s mouth went dry.

_ One other thing, _ he thought.

_ What, _ Five thought, wary.

_ What Klaus said earlier, _ Diego thought.

For a moment, Five’s mind was overwhelmed by the mental picture Diego had sent him earlier, patched-together memories of Diego and Klaus intertwined.

Then he collected himself.  _ Are you that concerned about keeping it in your pants? _

_ You’re making way too big of a deal about that, _ Diego thought.

_ About what? _

Diego opened his mouth, and then closed it. The more he said about Klaus, the more Five would fixate on it.  _ So we just won’t fuck anyone _ .

_ Of course _ . _ It wouldn’t be fair. _

Diego smirked.  _ You’d be jealous you weren’t getting it, huh? _

_ More along the lines of consent. Is it ethical to have sex with someone else while I know you can feel every sensation? _

Diego paused, considering this.

_ Exactly. _

_ So no sex, _ Diego thought.  _ I’ll survive. _ It wasn’t like he was getting so much anyway. The slut schtick was mostly an act.

_ It is? _

Diego cursed himself.  _ Don’t tell anyone. _

Five was blatantly shocked. It took him a moment to gather himself.  _ I’m not surprised. _

Diego smiled. That was kind of flattering, actually.

_ That wasn’t meant to be a compliment. _

Internally, Diego flipped him off.  _ Yeah, you got me, I’m not out every other night fucking anything that moves. _

_ But you want to be? _

_ Are you slut-shaming me? _ Diego thought.

Five snorted.  _ I’m revealing you  _ not _ to be a slut. _

_ You’re shaming me because I’m not a slut, _ Diego thought.  _ Makes me want to go out and fuck people. Reverse psychology. _

_ Is it reverse psychology, or am I the tetherball pole and you’re the ball flinging yourself in circles around me and getting stuck? _

_ Fuck off, _ Diego thought.

_ Oh, trust me _ , Five thought. _ I wish I could.  _

_ You have a nipple ring, _ Five sent.

Diego, halfway through getting dressed the next morning, froze.

_ Are you perving on me? _ he sent.

_ Believe me, I wish I weren’t _ , Five thought.  _ And I can’t _ see _ you. But— _ There was a prickle of embarrassment.  _ I can feel it. Is that what it is? _

Diego raised his eyebrows.

_ When did you get it? _

_ Last year _ , Diego thought. He grinned at himself in the mirror.  _ Sorry to scandalize you. _

_ You snuck out and got it? _

_ With Klaus. He got his navel done. _

_ Slut. _

Diego let out a surprised laugh.

_ You are also a slut, _ Five added.

Diego brought up his hand and flicked the ring with his fingers. He could feel Five’s pulse of shock.  _ Reconsidered your verdict? _

_ Given the new evidence. _ Five was really getting hot and bothered over this.  _ It’s incontrovertible. _

Diego smirked.  _ Then that makes two sluts _ .

_ Yes _ , Five thought.  _ You and Klaus. _

_ Then three. _ Diego rubbed the ring in between the tips of his fingers.

Five was indignant.  _ I’m— I am not a slut any more than you’re a genius now. _

_ Sure, _ Diego sent back. He patted his nipple.  _ What do I know? Apparently I’m not as hot as I think I am, either _ .

Five’s eye roll was palpable, even though Diego could feel the way he shuddered.  _ Get dressed, Diego. _

_ Jesus, how long do you spend doing your hair in the morning? _ Diego thought, bringing his hand up to his temple. It had been twenty minutes, and he couldn’t escape the neurotic petting.

Five paused guiltily mid-comb.

_ Understood, _ Diego thought, grinning.  _ Gotta look sharp. _

  
  


Diego waited exactly six minutes after Grace’s footsteps disappeared down the hallway before he climbed out of bed and slipped downstairs to the basement gym.

It had been a long day, and a uniquely challenging one. Reginald had let the six of them off the hook for classes, and instead chose to drill all of them in training for the entirety of the morning and afternoon. Which normally Diego would have sailed through— enough, at least— but with Five in his head, his reflexes were fraying. There was too much input. He didn’t know where to look.

He didn’t exactly know what to do with all the new information about Five, either.

It wasn’t even anything big. It was more texture than data. But every inside joke Five had with himself, every question and every answer, every misstep and every shot of satisfaction, were all being projected into Diego’s skull at all hours. Diego tried to keep it in low focus, but he could sense the shadows lurking, even when he tried to redirect his thoughts. And he knew, even more foreboding, that Five could hear Diego’s thoughts, too.

He turned on the lights in the basement. The space always seemed so much bigger when he was alone. He flexed his hands, cracking his knuckles. Just a little bodyweight work, and then he was definitely going back to bed.

The routine immersed him easily, and he went through the motions on muscle memory, letting his mind go blank, pushing away the nagging sense of weirdness in the back of his mind and the strange ache in his eyes. He’d done this all the time before; there was no chance he’d get caught. He dropped down into a plank, holding it for minutes until his arms started to burn and he dropped down to his forearms.

Ten, nine, eight, seven—

_ ΔpΔx ≥ h/4π _

He blinked.

Six, five, four, three—

_ ΔtΔE ≥ h/4π _

Diego frowned, sinking down onto the floor. He closed his eyes. There was a shifting in his subconscious, the telltale weirdness of another presence like a lump in the carpet he couldn’t get out. Frustration. Math. Sloping walls. Straining to read in dim light.

_ What are you doing up this late? _ he sent to Five.

Five felt a cold wash of guilt and surprise.  _ I could ask the same of you _ .

Diego looked around. The room was dark except for the single spotlight over the sparring ring.

_ A full day of drills wasn’t enough for you? _

Diego could feel Five’s judgment. He scowled.  _ It’s not the same _ .

_ Do enlighten me _ .

_ He doesn’t own me here _ , Diego thought.

_ But if you’re following his rules even when he’s not watching… _

Diego dropped down on his back. Oblique curls. He laced his hands together behind his head, trying to drown out Five’s omnipresent gaze as he sank down and sat up, twisting and flexing, endless and repetitive, a deep ache spreading through his body with every set of reps.

_ Diego _ .

_ I’m busy _ , Diego sent.

A flash of a wall. Equations spiraling over every surface.

_ So am I, jackass _ .

Diego frowned. He did another rep.  _ Why? _

There was a twist of confusion.  _ Why not? _

_ Most people don’t stay up all night writing on the walls _ , Diego thought.

_ Most people don’t stay up all night working out, either _ .

Diego’s abs were starting to seriously burn, but he pushed through, sitting up again and again. His core was beginning to shake. Good.  _ Like your math is so urgent. _

_ Like trying to get as jacked as Luther is so urgent. _

Diego held the crunch a little longer, until the ache became truly agonizing.  _ Shut the fuck up _ .

_ You do know that your body will never be his, right? _

Diego gritted his teeth. His whole body was shaking now.  _ You got something to prove here? _

_ Only making a point _ . Five was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Diego’s lower stomach was throbbing, but he didn’t let up.  _ Jesus. You didn’t have to take it personally _ .

_ Nah, I think you meant it personally, _ Diego said. He sank down on his back, catching his breath and staring up into the ceiling light until he saw spots.

There was a beat.

_ Truce _ .

_ You’re not sorry, _ Diego sent. His vision was pulsing. He exhaled and then brought his torso back up. Same damn thing on the other damn side.

He could sense Five’s dismissive wave of the hand. _I am. For talking about Luther. Talking about training. Making it personal._ _Do you always work yourself this hard?_

_ Yeah _ , Diego thought.  _ No pain, no gain _ .

_ This isn’t gain _ , Five thought.

_ What, because your twink ass can’t handle it? _ Diego sent.  _ Maybe you should be training more. Get used to it. _

_ You’re going to train to failure. _

_ That’s the point, _ Diego sent, shaking. He was beginning to get to the stage where he felt nauseated.  _ Thought you were the smart one. _

_ You should only be training to fatigue on a regular basis. _

_ Maybe you _ , Diego thought.  _ Not me _ .

Not when Luther could drop and give Reginald three hundred without breaking a sweat.

_ Christ. You aren’t really trying to compare yourself to him, are you? _

Diego grimaced.  _ Get out of my head. _

Five was silent.

Diego sank back down on the floor. 

_ Do you do this every night? _

_ Whenever I can’t sleep, _ Diego thought.

A pause. 

_ More often than not, then. _

Diego ran his tongue over his teeth.

_ And then you go to training the next day? _

Diego nodded.

_ Jesus, _ Five sent. He was annoyed, and a little concerned. Diego bristled at the pity.  _ You aren’t helping anyone, Diego. Go to bed _ .

Diego cracked his knuckles.  _ You can’t tell me what to do. _

_ You can hurl yourself against the wall as much as you want on your own time, but I’d prefer not to wake up tomorrow with your bruises. _

The ache in Diego’s stomach echoed twofold. Dimly, he could make out in his mind’s eye Five’s weariness, standing in front of a wall with something in his hand, a ghost of nausea lurking in his gut.

Diego closed his eyes.

_ Fine. It’s late anyway. _

He couldn’t bring himself to shape the word  _ sorry _ , but maybe Five could feel it.

Diego climbed into bed and crawled under the covers.

Beneath his thoughts ran a current of churning anxiety, close but untouchable, the ocean below a glass-bottomed boat. He could feel the texture of a thin film of chalk on his fingers. Shadows of equations swam before his eyes, and a phantom tightness crawled up his lungs, relentless and exhausted in equal measure.

Diego sighed.

_ I won’t keep you up if you don’t keep me up _ , he thought.

Five paused, unsettled.

Apparently they’d both have to start getting used to that.

_ Deal. _

Diego smiled a little. His abs still ached. He rolled over, punching his pillow down, and he sank into dark sleep.

Diego registered the feeling of his dick before he opened his eyes.

He wasn’t a stranger to waking up hard. He opened one bleary eye, looking at the clock. There was time to jerk off. He reached down blindly to wrap a hand around himself—

His dick wasn’t hard.

Whatever he was feeling, it was not his erection.

Slowly, Five’s embarrassment trickled into him.  _ Apologies, _ he sent stiffly.

Diego stared at the ceiling, wide-eyed. Five was lying in bed right now, his cock tenting his pajama pants, his whole body alive with arousal.  _ No problem _ , he thought dizzily.  _ It’s gotta be less weird for you, right? _

_ I highly doubt it, _ Five thought. Diego could feel how much he wanted to sink into the floor and die.

_ Because I’m not hard, _ Diego thought.  _ But I can still feel— _

_ Oh, _ Five thought.  _ That is… weird. _

There was a moment of intense concentration.

_ Are you trying to figure out whether you can feel— mine, with the whole…? _ Diego indicated his crotch.  _ Because I think your, uh, situation wins out. _

_ Yeah, _ Five thought.  _ Apparently. _

There was a pause. Every second, Five slid deeper into a deep, screeching hell.

_ I suppose if I took care of it, that would make it worse. _

Diego’s eyes widened. For a moment he pictured the phantom clutch of Five’s hand around his cock, tight and businesslike, jerking him off by proxy exactly the way Five did it for himself. Feeling the way Five’s body would shudder as he brought himself to the edge, and then spasming with Five’s convulsions of pleasure.

Five’s cock throbbed.

_ I’ll take that as a yes, _ he thought.

_ Yeah, _ Diego thought, dazed. His own dick was beginning to tent his pajama pants now.  _ It’ll go away eventually. _

_ Of course, _ Five thought.  _ It’ll go away eventually. _

That night, Diego dreamed he was in the basement again.

He was wearing a lot less than usual, which meant it was a sex dream. Full boxing kit would have meant it was the stress dream about Luther again. Diego envied other people who had ever-changing, abstract, meaningful dreams— his were rote, a set of tapes shuffled and set on repeat.

Which was probably a trauma thing. Whatever.

In the ring, his chest was bare, and his shorts draped enticingly over his thighs. He’d never been this aware of his body before. He looked down at himself, and then he looked up.

This was not a tape he’d played before.

Five was standing across the room, watching him. Diego felt a curl of heat. Five’s casual elegance was more than enticing— it was invigorating; intoxicating.

Diego cracked his knuckles.

Then the perspective changed. There was no other way to describe it. He’d been himself, but now he was looking at himself, eyeing himself from the other side of the room.

From Five’s position. 

Diego frowned. He could see himself, but he wasn’t himself. He shook his head and he was back to his own body, looking across the room at Five. He moved towards him, caught, until he was facing Five, and he sank down to his knees in front of him.

And then suddenly Five was the one looking at him askance from down on the ground.

And then the perspective flipped and Diego was looking at himself from above now, on his knees, lips parted.

Diego felt uneven and invaded. Turned on and turned upside down. He staggered, off-balance in his own mind, and he looked around for Five—

_ This isn’t sustainable _ , Five thought.

Diego sat bolt upright. The room was dark, and he looked at the bedside clock, breathing hard. 2:41.

The images from the tangled dream burned in his mind, layered and abstract, wires crossed. Five’s lean body, Five’s long eyelashes— pale skin tessellating with tan, thick muscles, lean curves, dark eyes. Two overlapping fantasies.

He was hard, he realized. He looked down. His cock was tenting the sheets.

_ Yeah _ , he thought.  _ It’s really not _ .

Internally, Five groaned.  _ I haven’t jerked off for a week. Fucking— I keep waking up hard, and I can’t— _

_ Me too, man, _ Diego thought.  _ You think we’re not in the same boat? _

_ I would kill to get off right now, _ Five thought.  _ One orgasm _ .

_ One orgasm, _ Diego repeated. His dick was throbbing.  _ Fuck. I would. If you— _

_ I would _ .

Diego’s eyes went wide.

_ One orgasm, _ Five thought.  _ And then we never talk about it again. _

_ Deal _ , Diego thought.

Five hesitated. Then he reached his hand into his pajama pants, wrapping his hand around his cock.

Diego’s whole body jerked. He could feel Five’s fingers like they were his own. He reached down and gripped himself, letting out a punched-out groan.

_ Oh, fuck _ , Five thought. _ Diego— nnh, I can feel you— _

_ Yeah, tell me about it, _ Diego thought. He brought his hand to his mouth and licked it, and then wrapped it around his cock again.  _ Jesus. _

_ I can feel you— and I can feel you— feeling me— _ Five’s hips were beginning to jerk, thrusting up needily into his fist.

_ Yeah _ , Diego thought again, mindless, breathless. He arched his back. It was like getting a handjob and giving one at the same time, or like being telekinetic—

_ I can’t believe you can still think, _ Five thought.

Diego moaned. Five’s fingers around him were tight and relentless. In a flash of need, he imagined Five’s actual hand on his actual dick, the two of them together, touching for real.

Five’s cock twitched.

Diego felt a rush of shame.

_ Keep going _ , Five thought.

Diego paused.

_ I said keep going, _ Five sent. His thoughts were taking on a desperate tinge.  _ Keep touching yourself. And keep thinking about— _

Diego closed his eyes. He imagined Five teleporting on top of him, pushing him down on the bed, climbing over him, cocky. Five would take off his tie and throw it in the corner. Then maybe he’d slither down Diego’s body, palm Diego’s cock through the front of his pants, squeeze it experimentally in his hand. And then Five would look up at Diego and smile, dimple in his cheek—

Five whined. He was shaking, his hand pumping fast and tight.  _ Jesus _ , he thought.  _ Diego, fuck— _

Diego’s breath was fast and shallow. Five would look back down at Diego’s cock; he’d lick his lips. He’d reach down and draw it out, looking at it appraisingly, and then he’d sink down and take it into his mouth, humming in pleasure. He’d hollow his cheeks, maybe bring up one hand to wrap around the full length of it—

_ Diego— _

Five’s orgasm crashed through him.

Diego let out a long, choked groan. It was overwhelming, toe-clenching, phantom fingers layered under his own— echoes on echoes, dizzying and rebounding, pleasure exploding in infinite sensation—

He brought his hand to his mouth and bit down, stifling a cry as he came.

There was a long pause.

_ And then we never talk about it again. _

“And as we see,” Reginald said, pointing his long stick at the numbers he’d written on the board, “in electron capture, a proton absorbs an electron from one of the atom’s orbitals, thereby transforming into a neutron.”

Allison held her hand out in front of her, examining her magenta-painted nails. On either side of her, Luther and Vanya were both eyeing her— for different reasons, Diego assumed. Ben slouched in his chair, spine curved in apathy. Five looked equally bored, artfully disinterested, his feet propped up on the desk in front of him and his tie loosened, looking down at his hands and folding a paper crane out of a page of his notebook.

Inside Diego’s head, Five was hanging onto every word of Reginald’s lecture.

Diego watched him for a moment. Of all appearances to be deceiving, he wouldn’t have expected that.

Five held up his paper crane and smiled at it, small and pleased.

Diego looked away. 

Next to him, Klaus was wilting in his chair. Diego tore off a piece of paper from his notebook and began to write.

_ I’m going insane _

He folded up the note and flicked it, curving it under the table and directly into Klaus’s lap.

Klaus fumbled for it and opened it.

“The mass number remains the same and the atomic number decreases by one,” Reginald intoned, “but electron capture is much less common than alpha and beta decay.”

A note landed on Diego’s textbook.

**yeah… ethically I don’t think teenagers should be forced to learn chemistry**

Diego snorted, writing back.

_ you’re so full of shit _

_ but also right _

_ but it’s not about chem _

“Which one of you can explain to me why heavier nuclides are more likely to undergo alpha decay?” Reginald said.

Klaus raised his eyebrows at Diego.

Diego tore off a bigger piece of paper and began to write.

_ I’m writing this down bc otherwise he’s more likely to hear, but 5 is driving me insane for real _

He paused for a moment. He couldn’t tell Klaus about the incident. He stilled, making sure he could feel Five’s attention completely distracted, and then he flicked the note to Klaus.

Klaus frowned, and then he scribbled something.

**do you need direct action to be done about this**

Reginald rapped his stick on the table. “Number One, do you have an answer?”

Luther looked up, wide-eyed. “Because their proton to neutron ratio is more likely to be too high. Sir.”

“Good,” Reginald said.

_ what are you thinking about right now _ , Diego wrote.

Klaus caught the note and began to write for a long time. Diego was jiggling his leg, tense and impatient, when the note finally landed in his lap.

**I don’t mean to brag or anything but I am moderately to extremely good at getting voices out of a person’s head, so if 5 is driving you INSANE insane with his prick-ass thoughts then maybe I can help. this is selfless because I** ❤ **you but also I would like to see you drunk much in the same way that I would like to see a dog trying to walk in little tiny high heels**

Diego looked down at Klaus’s scrawl.

“Alpha decay releases a particle with charge of positive two and a mass of four,” Reginald said. He looked expectantly around the room. “What can you tell me about the resulting mass and atomic number of the particle?”

He’d never wanted to get drunk before. The idea of blunting himself, of actively dulling his senses and slowing his reflexes, had always seemed deeply unpleasant, and there was no way he was letting go of control that easily. Besides, Klaus always used spirits to chase away… spirits. Diego had never had any need for privacy in his own mind.

Five’s hand around his dick had been too close— but too far away. Too imaginary. Too real. Too little. Too much. How was Diego possibly supposed to keep himself together? Five’s gaze was lapping at the edges of Diego’s safe space, and it was only so long before Five saw everything.

_ He’s looking at you, _ came Five’s voice in his head.  _ On the off-chance that you aren’t deeply absorbed in alpha decay, you might be interested to know that the mass number goes down by 4 and the atomic number goes down by 2 at the same time. _

“Number Two,” Reginald said.

Diego looked up, wide-eyed. “The mass number goes down by 4 and the atomic number goes down by 2 at the same time?”

Reginald eyed him for one long moment, and then he rapped his ruler on the table. “Very good. Now as I was saying…”

_ Try to pay attention next time, _ Five sent. _ I won’t always be inclined to cover your ass _ .

Diego could feel how smug the bastard was.

_ Deal _ , he wrote on his paper, folding it up and flicking the note to Klaus.  _ I’ll be at your room at midnight. _

“Dude,” Diego said, watching Klaus pour a generous measure of cherry liquor into a plastic cup. “That shit is vile.”

“You’re the one who wanted to get drunk with me,” Klaus said. “Imbibing chez Klaus is a rough and dirty affair.”

“This is cough syrup,” Diego said.

“Technically it’s not,” Klaus said.

Diego snorted. “If you have to add  _ technically _ before  _ it’s not cough syrup _ —”

“Oh, my apologies,” Klaus said. “I’ll go get some of Dad’s Cognac for you, that’ll be worth the extra day in the mausoleum.” He poured even more into Diego’s cup. “Have you ever even gotten drunk before?”

“I can handle it,” Diego said. “I’m just saying, that’s gonna taste like ass.”

“No, it won’t,” Klaus said. “It’ll taste like cough syrup.” He handed the drink to Diego. “Chug it. Get him out of your head.”

Diego looked down at the cup. 

In his head, Five was lying in bed in sweatpants, turning over some problem in his head as he folded more of those origami birds.

Diego made it all the way back to his room and closed the door before Five spoke in his head.

_ You’re back early. _

Diego’s blood ran cold.

_ I’d written off the rest of the night, _ Five thought. His nonchalance was biting.  _ You can’t drink to save your life— and apparently, you can’t stay sober to save mine. _

_ I’m sorry, _ Diego thought.

_ You don’t have to make an excuse to me. _

Diego grimace.  _ I— _

_ Was the liquor really that vile? _

_ I didn’t want to go through with it, _ Diego thought.

Five’s mind twisted wryly.  _ That doesn’t change the intention. _

_ Look, _ Diego thought.  _ I thought you wanted this. Being separate. Since the beginning, you’ve said— _

_ Things have changed since the beginning. _

Diego closed his eyes.

_ I thought that— _ Five’s mind spiked with emotion, followed by a rush of shame.

Diego closed his eyes.  _ My bad. _

_ Yes, _ Five thought.  _ Your bad _ .

Diego winced.  _ I said I’m sorry. _

_ You didn’t, actually. _

_ But I meant it. _

Five’s judgment radiated.

_ You can feel it, right? _ Diego thought.

_ I can feel how much you’d wanted to get away from me. _

Diego sighed.  _ It’s not— _

_ Of course. In your haste to escape me, you forgot that everything you did to yourself would rebound onto me. _

Diego didn’t really have an answer to that.

_ It doesn’t matter anymore, _ Five thought crisply. _ You can put it out of your head. _

_ What are you talking about? _ Diego thought.  _ Of course it matters. _

_ I found a way to fix it. _

Diego stopped dead.

The plan was disarmingly simple, and Diego was annoyed at himself for not thinking of it before. If both of them touching the orb at the same time had connected them, then both of them touching the orb at the same time could disconnect them. The tool was designed by spies who wanted temporary connections, not by psychopaths who wanted to be mentally conjoined.

Five shot Diego a look.

Diego looked away, plastering a neutral front over his thoughts.

_ It’s convenient you could teleport us in _ , he thought.  _ Point in your favor. _

_ As if there are any points not in my favor _ , Five thought.

_ Getting ahead of yourself, chief, _ Diego thought back.

Reginald had been keeping the orb in his study. Apparently that was where he carried out all his important tasks. Diego wouldn’t know, because he’d never been in there.

_ Don’t be so bitter, _ Five thought.

_ Whatever. _

Most of the time, Reginald kept himself sequestered in that room, far away from the pupils he ostensibly valued. The important items he held there usually lived under lock and key. But as it turned out, Reginald happened to disappear every afternoon at 3 for a walk around the city— for his constitution, or for government surveillance, or whatever.

_ Which you wouldn’t know, only because you’ve never been paying attention. _

Diego flipped him off.

Five rolled his eyes, and he grabbed Diego’s arm. 

Diego didn’t have time to think before the world compressed around him. He gasped for breath, an airless moment in the void, and then he and Five stumbled into Reginald’s study, staggering back against the locked doors.

_ Usually I teleport much more cleanly. You kept me from sticking the landing. _

_ My God, _ Diego thought.  _ Just say you’re mad at me, man. _

Five’s thoughts shifted, obscure and unreachable.

Diego exhaled. It was a trippy thing to be in here without Reginald’s incendiary gaze. The room seemed smaller and shabbier without him in it: a lair for an old paranoid man, nothing more. The shelves contained artifacts packed so tightly together and covered in so much dust that it was eminently clear he was just hoarding them. A fish in a small, cylindrical tank. A prism. Mathematical diagrams on crisp and brittle paper. Some locks of hair pinned to a board.

_ Jesus, _ Diego thought.  _ Is that ours? _

Five looked up at it, feeling a curl of disgust that he quickly tried to tamp down.  _ Who else’s? _

_ Maybe those were the other kids born on our birthday, _ Diego thought.  _ He couldn’t adopt them, so… snip snip. _

Five barked a laugh. Diego smiled at his flare of brief joy. Then Five stiffened again.  _ It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been taking samples from us. He’s nothing if not… thorough. _

_ Yeah, samples of what, though? _ Diego thought.  _ Of DNA? _

_ I don’t like where this is going. _

_ If Dad wants to collect my semen, I’m out. _

Five laughed again. Something tugged at Diego, and he looked at Five for a moment, casting around for anything to say, any other joke to make, anything to get that flash of Five’s smile again—

_ I see it, _ Five said, nodding to the bottom shelf.

The ball sat between two dusty stacks of books, looking disarmingly new. Its surface bore no sign that any time had passed. The tendrils of light inside it crackled, bright as a poison dart frog.

_ So we’re doing this? _ Diego thought.

“We should get used to talking out loud,” Five said.

“Right,” Diego said.

“Right,” Five echoed.

The ball glowed.

“So we should touch it,” Diego said. “At the same time.”

“Yeah,” Five said. He looked into Diego’s eyes.

For a moment, everything was suspended. Diego felt a deep canyon of betrayal, a chasm of loss, and he couldn’t tell if it was his own or Five’s. He stared at Five, caught. It was like they were both in free-fall, nothing else existing, everything empty but swelling with feeling, the precipice of a revelation—

Then Five’s hand reached out.

“Back for more?” Luther said, watching Diego from his bed.

Diego blinked his eyes open.

The infirmary was exactly the same as it had been when he’d first arrived. The beds, the layout, the quality of the air. Some things around here never changed.

Except this time, it  _ sucked _ . 

His whole body felt heavy, a leaden feeling weighing him down like he might sink through the floor. Nothing was real. He was too grounded, too singular, too aware of the inside of his own mind.

“You were trying to fix it,” Luther said.

“Nnh,” Diego said.

What was going on? His mind was so empty.

“They found the two of you passed out next to it,” Luther said. “The, ah— the thing that connected you in the first place. 

Diego blinked at him again.

The feeling was loneliness, he realized. But stronger than he’d never had before.

Five was gone. Diego searched for the connection, reaching back for the familiar presence in his mind— but the inside of his mind felt like a wall. How had this ever been his normal?

“Where is he?” he said.

“Five?” Luther said.

Diego gave him a groggy, disdainful look.

“He’s in his room,” Luther said. “He hates the infirmary.”

“Well, I hate the infirmary, and look where I always end up,” Diego said.

“It’s not so bad,” Luther said. “I’m here.”

_ I hate you too, _ Diego thought.

If Five were there, he would have mentally slapped Diego on the wrist.

“I’m gonna go,” Diego said, rolling off the bed and standing up.

“You’re not going to wait for them to run tests on you?” Luther said.

“If Five can dodge them, so can I,” Diego said. He looked around the room, feeling a little lightheaded. “Tell them I’m in my own room. Doing rebellious shit.”

“Are you sure you’re okay to go?” Luther said.

“Fantastic,” Diego said, rubbing his palm into his eye. Christ, he felt— calibrated wrong; off-balance. Like his head was too small. Or too big. Airless and empty.

Luther fidgeted. “So… are you—”

“Am I what,” Diego said. His mouth felt dry, and his whole body ached.

“You know,” Luther said.

“Say it,” Diego said.

Luther sighed. “Are you separate from him now? Completely?”

Diego stared at him. Every second he spent with Luther made him want to punch him even more.

“I see,” Luther said.

“Bye,” Diego said, getting up and walking towards the door. “Don’t follow me. I’m fine.”

“Oh, Diego,” Luther said. “There’s another thing.”

Diego looked over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Dad destroyed the— orb,” Luther said. “So you don’t have to worry about getting connected again.”

His face was earnest and guileless. Diego’s body was an abyss.

“Sure,” Diego said. “Yeah. That helps.”

It took the entire day and most of the evening for it to occur to Diego that he could jerk off now.

He lay in his bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling. This used to be what he’d do at night, wasn’t it? Turning on the flashlight, rooting around for a magazine, reaching into his pants and wrapping his hand around his dick and pumping himself with fixed focus until he came with a sigh?

He looked down at his cock in his hand. For something he’d done regularly since he hit puberty, it came unnaturally to him tonight. 

He closed his eyes, willing a fantasy to come.

A couple years ago, the Umbrella Academy been invited to a fancy gala. Some kind of thank-you occasion for stopping a heist— the kind of thing that make being a teenage superhero not suck so much. They’d all dressed up. And while Diego and Luther and Ben and Five were all trying to get their ties on straight, Allison had stepped out in a velvet dress that made them all stop and stare.

This was the fantasy so strong and so guilty it was his last resort. When nothing else got him off— Diego had been captivated by the way the fabric hung softly against her body. Diego had imagined her locking eyes with him and smiling, abandoning Luther and pulling him aside— they’d talk, they’d flirt, eventually her gaze would drop to Diego’s lips— and Diego would pull her close, press his body against hers, rub his cock against her thigh, hear her gasp at how hot and firm it was. Maybe he would push her against the wall, hike up her skirt, push her underwear to the side, murmur in her ear,  _ you got wet for me, huh? _ , she’d spread her legs, he’d rub his fingers over her clit, he’d position himself at her entrance, he’d slide right in—

It wasn’t working.

Diego breathed out.

Maybe he was just in the mood to think about guys. Fine by him. He licked his lips. He conjured up the image of the hot football player he’d seen on the cover of a fitness magazine a few months ago, the one with the broad shoulders. Maybe he’d want a guy who could take control; pin him to the wall. Or not even that— someone who had the charisma to overtake him entirely, it didn’t have to be a jock, maybe some kind of twink, someone with pale skin and dark floppy hair and big eyes and a dimple carved into his cheek—

“For real?” Diego said out loud, looking down at himself.

There had to be some other fantasy. Diego cast around in his mind, trying to dredge up every person he’d ever been attracted to.

What was the point of trying?

Diego came all over his fist, thinking about Five’s dark eyes.

The next night, Diego was walking back to bed from brushing his teeth when he saw light spilling into the hallway.

Five’s door was open.

Diego hesitated, and then he moved towards the doorway, stepping over the floorboards most likely to creak.

Five’s bedroom was a bachelor pad and a child’s room and a habitat for an endangered animal combined into one. He had shoved his bed into the center of the room, freeing more wall space, and equations trickled along the walls and ceiling like constellations. The laundry hamper in the corner was filled with textbooks. Around it sat piles of clothes, and Five’s blazer lay unceremoniously crumpled on the bed in none of the piles, cast aside with two balled-up socks and a listless tie. 

It was a mess. It was too small and too cluttered. Diego never wanted to leave.

Five was standing with his back to Diego, writing a sloping equation that trailed down in a slant. He paused, and then he brought up his forearm, wiping clear an expanse before beginning to write again, shifting his weight and delicately stepping to avoid the papers scattered at his feet. It was hard to tell where the rug stopped and the hardwood began: there were scraps covering the ground, sparse in some areas and coalescing in others, leading to a dense area around the bookshelf surrounded by crumpled pieces—

Diego’s breath caught.

At the foot of the bookshelf sat a fleet of paper cranes of all sizes. They were folded from textbook pages and ripped notebook paper and napkins from restaurants, each one of them different, ranging from crisp and new to brittle and yellowed. Tipping over and leaning against each other. A ragtag audience for Five’s manifest mind.

“I take it the side effects are hitting you,” Five said, back to Diego.

Diego pulled back. “What? Side effects?”

“Dry mouth,” Five said. “Headache. Aching loneliness. Do you feel like your head’s too small somehow?”

“Yeah,” Diego said. “And I keep forgetting I have to talk out loud to you.”

“And so you haven’t been,” Five said. “That’s a handy excuse.”

Diego cracked his knuckles. His insides were in knots. He opened his mouth, and then he asked, “Did you do all that origami?”

Five looked around, seeing the paper crane collection as if for the first time, and then he shrugged. “Who else?”

“Fair enough,” Diego said. “It’s… impressive.”

Five ducked his head. “They help me think. Keep my hands occupied.”

Diego scratched his head. “Yeah. I’ve seen you do them in class.”

“Why are you here?” Five said, turning around.

Diego exhaled. “I wanted to apologize,” he said. “For— you know. And I can’t do that in my head now, so…”

Five arched an eyebrow.

“I shouldn’t have tried to get drunk,” Diego said.

“Do you actually think that?” Five said.

Diego frowned. “Do you not?”

Five shrugged.

“I thought it was a dick move,” Diego said carefully. Christ, Five’s face was blank. Without the telepathy, he didn’t know how to orient himself.

“It was,” Five said.

“So I’m here to apologize for that,” Diego said.

“Why?” Five said.

“Excuse me?” Diego said. “I wanted to make up. Since when is that a crime?”

Five shrugged again.

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you,” Diego said.

“If you wanted me to be gone that badly,” Five said, picking up his chalk and turning to the wall, “then I’m surprised you wouldn’t rather ignore me.”

“It wasn’t that I wanted you gone,” Diego said. “Don’t be like that.”

“What?” Five said. “Did you want a  _ break _ ? That’s the same thing.”

“It’s not,” Diego said.

“I’m not willing to go back and forth with you on a yes or no question,” Five said.

Diego worked his jaw. “I got freaked out. I made a split decision.”

“A premeditated split decision that you worked out in class with Klaus,” Five said.

“He was the one who brought it up,” Diego said.

“And you were the one who went to meet him,” Five said.

“Look,” Diego said. “You know what happened. That morning…”

“Of course I know. You couldn’t even look at me afterwards.”

“Yeah, well,” Diego said. He picked at his thumbnail. “I figured I didn’t need to.”

Five paused.

“C’mon,” Diego said. This was humiliating to say out loud. “I… you were in my head, man. I assumed you know how I felt.”

“You were ashamed,” Five said.

Diego reared back. “What?”

“Don’t bullshit me,” Five said. His posture was tense, still facing the wall. “I could feel every burning edge of your shame, Diego. Like a meteor entering the fucking atmosphere. I could tell  _ exactly _ how much you regretted— what happened, and how much you wanted to keep it from me. How much you were kicking yourself for letting me in at all. You probably even blamed me—”

“I didn’t regret it,” Diego said.

The room was dead silent.

“You were ashamed,” Five said.

“I was ashamed of you finding out,” Diego said. “Can you imagine? If you had seen into my mind, you would have seen how many times I replayed that moment in my head. How it turned me on just to think about it. And no matter how polite you would have tried to be… I would have been able to feel the truth.”

Five turned around, looking up at Diego.

“You want to know why I came to apologize?” Diego said, looking him in the eye. “I miss it. I miss being connected to you. I miss overhearing the stupid jokes that make you laugh, I miss getting tense when you’re the one absorbed in a math problem, I miss feeling it when you wake up hard in the morning. I miss feeling like you’re touching me. I miss having you in my head. That’s it. There’s your truth. Are you happy?”

Five looked at him for a moment. Then he walked across the room, shutting the door.

“What’s going on,” Diego said. “Are you mad at me, are you—”

Five warped forward and grabbed the front of Diego’s shirt and kissed him.

It took two and a half seconds of making out in Five’s bedroom before they were horizontal on the bed, Diego pinning Five down and kissing him hard, exploring every inch of his body with his hands.

“Fuck,” Five gasped. “I’ve been fucking desperate, Christ. Going without jerking off, when I had to be so aware of you all the time—”

“I jerked off last night,” Diego said. “Tried not to think about you. Didn’t work.” He kissed down Five’s neck. “You waking up hard was a hell of a tease.”

“Tell me about it,” Five said, a hint of a whine in his voice. “Nnh, Diego—”

“Can we?” Diego said against his skin. “Now?”

“Maybe we should— wait,” Five said breathily. “We just— maybe we should, aah, date first, or—”

“We’ve seen the inside of each other’s minds, I don’t think there’s really any new frontier,” Diego said.

“You sing in the shower,” Five said, grinning up at him. “It’s—”

“Don’t say cute,” Diego said.

“Adorable,” Five said.

“Let me fuck you,” Diego said. “Please?”

Five hesitated.

“We don’t have to,” Diego said, drawing back. “I won’t push.”

In answer, Five rolled them over and began to unbutton Diego’s shirt.

“You have to tell me what you want in words now,” Diego murmured, working two fingers in and out of Five.

Five was spread out on his bed, legs open, naked and gorgeous. His hips jerked up, riding Diego’s hand on instinct, and he wriggled upright, propping himself up on his pillows. “You can’t— ah, tell?”

“Oh, I can tell,” Diego said. He smiled. “You’re so visibly needy, you know that?” He curled his fingers inside Five, brushing his prostate. “Look at you— fuck, you  _ feel _ good. Gonna be even tighter around my dick.”

“Don’t get smug,” Five said. The breathiness in his voice was kind of undercutting the sternness. “You’re supposed— to make me feel  _ good _ .”

“This doesn’t make you feel good?” Diego said, rubbing Five’s prostate in unrelenting little nudges. He dropped his eyes ostentatiously to Five’s cock, which was hard and leaking, flushed and stiff. “Kinda seems like it turns you on.”

“ _ Diego _ ,” Five said. “Stop talking.”

“C’mon,” Diego crooned. He drew his fingers out and began to thrust them back in, setting a pace. “Dirty talk’s the best part of sex.”

“Sex is the best part of sex,” Five said. His back arched. “Getting a dick in my ass is the best part of sex.”

“Good,” Diego said. He grinned. “Are you a size queen?”

“Your dick is not that big,” Five said.

“Your ass is extremely tight,” Diego said.

Five rolled his eyes, even as his hips chased Diego’s hand, bucking needy upwards. “Then stop bragging about how good you are at dirty talk and how you’re going to, nnnh, lean forward and pin me down and pound me with that big dick until I’m begging and— give me— another finger, Christ.”

“You’re projecting,” Diego said, grinning even more broadly. He traced the tip of a third finger at Five’s hole. “Keep talking and I’ll give you more.”

Five moaned. “You seem to be under the impression that this is a— oh,  _ fuck _ — a, ah, transaction.”

“Where you tell me how desperate you are for my cock and I give it to you?” Diego said. “Absolutely.” He tapped his third finger at Five’s rim. “And you’re kinda not holding up your end of the bargain.”

Five glared at him.

“Talk sluttier and we’ll see about a third finger,” Diego said, smirking.

“This is not going to end well for you,” Five said.

“What was that you were saying about me pounding you with my big dick?” Diego said. “I— oh shit—”

In a flash, Five had warped out from under his fingers, and he tackled Diego from behind and pinned him down to the bed. “I warned you,” he said, pushing Diego down on his back and straddling his thighs, looking down at him. “I do what I want, Diego.”

“Good thing you want me,” Diego said.

Five rolled his eyes. He shifted his weight back, bringing his hand down and pressing three fingers inside himself, giving a punched-out groan as he rode his fingers. “Fuck, that’s good.”

“It’s not better than me,” Diego said.

Five smirked.

“You are shitting me,” Diego said. “Fucking yourself with your fingers is not better than taking dick, you’re bluffing.”

“Better than getting teased,” Five said. He was lifting himself up and sinking down, moving in a rhythm. “Especially by  _ you _ . You want me to act like a cockslut for you, Diego? All breathy and big-eyed, never seen one that big before, oh  _ please _ put it in me?” He widened his eyes.

“I know you’re making fun of me, but that’s actually hot,” Diego said. “Just— for further—”

Five pulled his hand out of himself and leaned forward, pressing his palms down on Diego’s chest and drawing in close. “I could, you know,” he said. “I know everything you want to hear. I have every capacity to blow your mind. I could bite my lip and look up breathily and tell you how big you are and how needy I am and how I want you to stretch me open and fuck me so hard I  _ cry _ .”

Diego whimpered a little, looking up at him. His dick was diamond hard. “But there’s a catch?”

Five shrugged. “I could do all that, or I could let you fuck me.”

Diego’s eyes went wide. “No way.”

“A tease for a tease,” Five said.

“You smug bastard,” Diego said. “What, so you’d just get yourself off in front of me?”

“I’m more than capable of it,” Five said. “After all, you are…” He looked down Diego’s body. “Tempting.” He squeezed Diego’s cock. “Call it window shopping.”

“That’s not fucking fair,” Diego said. “Five, come on, you know—” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “You know I need it. Been so desperate for so long, Jesus.”

Five stroked Diego’s cock. “I could feel it. You get antsy when you can’t jerk off.”

“I get antsy when I’m always thinking about you,” Diego said, looking up at him. “I get so distracted I can’t think straight. The more I try not to think about you, the more I do anyway, and the more I notice, and— I’ve been holding back for so long.”

“Oh,” Five said softly. “Do you… really mean that?”

“I’ve gone without jerking off before,” Diego said. “I haven’t done it while hung up on you.”

Five’s face was open; awed. “Oh,” he said again, and he leaned in, pressing his forehead against Diego’s. “I thought you were just…”

“A horny fucker who had no self-control,” Diego said.

Five laughed from very close. “Maybe.”

“You make me lose my self-control, baby,” Diego said. He leaned up, fitting his mouth to Five’s. “Every damn time.”

Five was riding Diego, pressing him down to the mattress with both hands as he ground down on his cock, shifting where he was fully seated down on it. “You weren’t wrong,” he murmured.

“‘Bout what?” Diego said, voice rough and strained. He looked up at him, lips parted a little, body shuddering as Five worked his body up and down.

Five reached down and trailed one hand over Diego’s abs. “You’re big.”

His voice was matter-of-fact. Diego smiled, more endeared than by any act. “Yeah? You like it?”

“I like all of you,” Five said. He ran his hand up Diego’s stomach, tweaking Diego’s nipple and making him gasp. “The outside. The inside. Particularly the outside, right now.”

“How are you still coherently talking,” Diego said. His hips jerked up, thrusting involuntarily into Five’s tight heat, and he groaned, tipping his head back. “Jesus fucking— how are you so, ah, fuck—”

“Because I’m controlling the pace,” Five said. There was a slightly fevered look in his eyes. “I’m keeping it slow, so I can— so I can— take all of this in.”

“Like,” Diego said, “literally, or—”

Five pinched his nipple. Diego yelped. “Figuratively,” Five said. “I mean— you, Diego, Christ.” He gestured, although his hand was shaking a little. “You think I wasn’t daydreaming about you too? Every time we were in, aah, the locker room, or in class, or when Dad made us— watch each other’s routines— I was  _ starving _ at the chance to look at you for a reason. To get to stare. To memorize— all of this, the way you look and the way you move and now the way you feel, fuck, inside me—” He swallowed. “I have to make it count.”

“Five,” Diego said. He shifted up on his elbows, with some effort. “You know we can do this again, right?”

“Of course,” Five said brusquely.

Diego reached out and caught his wrist. “I mean, for real. You can ride me every night of the week if you want.”

“Right,” Five said. “I know that.”

“Or I’ll let you ride me and then some nights I’ll pin you down and fuck you instead,” Diego said. “Or bend you over my desk. Or push you against the wall. Or blow you, or finger you— go through the damn Kama Sutra with you, okay?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Five said.

“You can let yourself enjoy this,” Diego said. “You can have it if you want it.”

“I am having it,” Five said.

“You’re in your head,” Diego said. “You’re thinking.”

“What, am I not supposed to think while I’m having sex with you?” Five said. “That seems a little hyperbolic.”

“You can let go,” Diego said. He reached up and touched Five’s face. “I’m gonna fuck you again. You’re going to get to look at me again. You don’t need— any kind of excuse now, okay? Let yourself get lost in it for a change. You can just… have me.”

Five pulled back. “Okay,” he said. He drew back, running his hands down Diego’s torso.

“That’s a yes, right?” Diego said. “What are you doing?”

Five’s smile curved wickedly, his face filled with light. “Taking you,” he said, and he began to move in earnest.

“Can’t believe we didn’t do that when we were telepathically linked,” Diego mumbled.

Five was curled up on top of him, appealingly boneless. He had his cheek nestled against Diego’s chest, but he looked up when Diego spoke. “The sex wasn’t good enough for you?”

Diego flicked Five’s forehead. “I’m just saying. Picture feeling like you’re fucking someone when you’re getting fucked.”

“An infinite loop of fucking,” Five said, bored.

Diego smiled. “You think that’s funny. Deep down.”

Five narrowed his eyes.

“I’ve been in your mind,” Diego said. “I know what makes you laugh.”

“Something can make me laugh and not be funny,” Five said primly.

“You’re so full of shit,” Diego said. “You and your dirty mind.”

“You and your baseless assumptions,” Five said.

Diego reached for Five and cupped his cheeks, looking him in the eye. “Imagine an endless feedback loop of telepathic fucking. My cock drilling into your ass as you’re feeling your dick drilling into my ass. Sixty-nine on the astral plane. An ouroboros of infinite dick—”

“ _ Whatever _ ,” Five said, wriggling out of Diego’s grip and trying unsuccessfully to hide the flash of his smile. “I think telepathic sex wouldn’t have been good, anyway.”

“When we jerked off like that, I came harder than I ever had in my life,” Diego said.

“That was jerking off in separate rooms,” Five said, scooting back up and propping his forearms in Diego’s chest. “That was controlled.”

“Your elbows are bony as fuck,” Diego said.

Five dug them in on purpose. “If we actually fucked, and you had your dick in my ass, and I felt it in my own dick, then you would have felt me feeling you, and it would have been too much.”

“Or it would have been great,” Diego said, tracing Five’s elegant cheekbone.

“Even if it had been,” Five said, “it’s not what happened.”

Diego studied him. Five’s expression was elegant and composed.

“Guess we’ll never know,” he said. He shifted, settling his hand between the dimples on Five’s lower back. “All we’ve got is this.”

Five drew back. “You can regret it. You’re allowed.”

“Which is why,” Diego said, “I think we should do it again.”

Five paused.

Diego swallowed. “We can’t get the bond back. But if— I mean… we could still be…”

“Do you want to have sex again?” Five said.

“Yes,” Diego said. “Fuck, yes. But more than that.”

“Go on,” Five said.

“I didn’t mind having you in my head,” Diego said. “I mean… it wasn’t sustainable. But I was getting used to spending time with you.”

Five watched him.

“I like knowing what you’re doing,” Diego said. “Your rhythms. The way you go about your day. When you’re busy, and when you’re distracted. It makes things a lot less lonely when you’re tethered to another person.”

“I’ve never known someone in that way before,” Five said. He looked down. “Or let anyone… see into me.”

“No shit,” Diego said. “Telepathy’s different.”

Five hesitated. “The rest of you tease me about being distant.”

Diego bit his tongue. “Sorry.”

“I am distant,” Five said. “On purpose.”

“What?” Diego said.

“I know you’ve noticed,” Five said. “I show up when I feel like it and leave when I’m tired. I’d prefer if no one thought about my flaws. And I have such— I have high standards for everything I do.” He sighed. “Talking about this feels like scraping my insides out with a spoon, for the record.”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Diego said.

“That’s the problem,” Five said. “I never  _ have _ to. So I never do.”

“Oh,” Diego said.

“What did you think of me before this?” Five said.

Diego worked his jaw. “Are you sure you want to know?”

Five looked away. “And there’s my answer.”

“I wanted to be you,” Diego said.

Five turned his head so fast his neck clicked. “What?”

“You always have your shit together,” Diego said. “You’re smart. You’re  _ cool _ . Luther acts like he’s Number One, but everyone knows… if there’s a tough situation, you’re the one to take control. You know what you’re doing.”

Five’s expression was incredulous.

“Nobody respects me like that,” Diego said.

“Of course they do,” Five said.

Diego pulled back. “What? No.”

“Diego, do you want to know what I thought of you?” Five said. His smile was wry, and his voice was bitter. “I wanted to be you. I don’t give a shit if everyone thinks I’m smart. I’ll always be smart. But when you walk in the room… people want to talk to you.”

“Not in a good way,” Diego said.

“Klaus trusts you,” Five said.

“That’s Klaus,” Diego said. “He’d tag along at the heels of anyone who gave him attention.”

“You’re the only one who gives him attention,” Five said.

“That is not a credit to me,” Diego said.

Five punched him hard.

Diego jerked back. “What the fuck?”

“You care about people,” Five said. “Stop deflecting.”

Diego opened his mouth, and then he closed it.

“It’s not hard to be smart,” Five said. “It’s much more difficult to be patient.”

“But I’m not patient,” Diego said.

Five punched him again.

“I don’t  _ feel _ patient,” Diego said.

Five shrugged. “Then you’re wrong.”

“You wanna know what I learned from being in your head?” Diego said.

“Do tell,” Five said.

Diego wound his fingers into Five’s hair. “You’re smart. Not just in a physics way. You notice patterns. You’re funny. You’re cute, and you stay up way too late and substitute caffeine for sleep, and you’re too hard on yourself, and you never make your bed. You shower with cold water in the morning, for whatever godforsaken reason.”

“If I use warm water I get lost in thought,” Five said. “I lose track of time.”

“Jerk off in the shower like the rest of us,” Diego said.

“Do you actually clean yourself?” Five said. “I need to know that you clean yourself.”

“Yes,” Diego said. “I shower at night. No time crunch.”

“But then your hair is wet when you go to bed,” Five said. He traced a pattern with his finger on Diego’s chest.

“Do you not dry it with a towel?” Diego said.

“You have to have noticed something bad,” Five said.

“No one’s perfect,” Diego said. “But… I like you.”

For a moment, there was silence. Diego held his breath.

“When you’re worried, you bite your nails,” Five said, looking up at Diego. “You make jokes when you don’t want people to know what you’re feeling. You have a low alcohol tolerance. You’re strong.”

Diego shifted. “You noticed all that?”

“Diego,” Five said. “I was in your head too.” 

“Right,” Diego said. “And you saw all that, and you still want to…?”

Five laced his fingers through Diego’s. “If I didn’t have you,” he said, “I would have stayed up all night every night at the chalkboard.”

“I would have been working out at night til I couldn’t get up,” Diego said.

Five’s brow creased. “You didn’t usually do that, right?”

Diego looked at him.

“Christ,” Five said. He looked down at their hands twined together.

“You’ve got your shit too,” Diego said.

“I do,” Five said. He stroked Diego’s knuckles. “Maybe we can hold each other accountable.”

“Maybe we can hang out in person more,” Diego said.

Five smiled. “I’m sure you can give me a better reason to stay up all night.”

“Okay,” Diego said. “I see it. New Five, getting bold. Asking for my dick—”

Five pinched him. “Not if you put it like that. But…”

“Yeah,” Diego said. “I’d like that too.” He hesitated. “But more than just sex, right?”

“Right,” Five said, looking up at him.

Diego wrapped his arm around Five. Every sensation of him was palpable. His weight, his soft bare skin, his bony elbows— Five wasn’t a distant mental companion anymore; he was real. It was as heady as it was new.

“I want you in my empty spaces,” Diego said quietly. “I want you filling in the time when I’m alone.”

“You guys look comfortable,” Allison said.

The afternoon sunlight slanted heavily across the atrium. The lofty ceilings seemed extra far away, the animals’ heads disapproving but distant, and it was easy to feel like time had slowed to an amber crawl in the heavy quiet. Diego was lying on the sofa with his head in Five’s lap, and Five was folding a torn page of his notebook between his fingers.

“What are you doing?” Klaus said, coming up and leaning on Allison. His eyes tracked the scattered notebooks around Five, moving from the physics notes to the doodles to the scrap of paper in Five’s hands.

Five finished his paper crane and placed it on Diego’s head.

“Thinking,” he said.

“You have birds on you, Diego,” Klaus said. “Just so you know.”

“How many is he up to now?” Diego said, bringing his hand up to touch the collection of cranes on his temple.

“Four,” Allison said.

“Slacker,” Diego said. “He’s gonna make me a thousand of them so I can make a wish.”

“I never said I would do that,” Five said.

“Thought you liked me,” Diego said.

“You’ve been on thin ice since day one,” Five said. He scratched Diego’s scalp lightly. “My leg is falling asleep.”

“I’m falling asleep,” Diego said, closing his eyes.

Five stroked his hair. “You should sleep somewhere else. I’m not going to have any qualms about getting up, even if you’re comfortable.”

“Sure,” Diego said, burrowing in.

“You do know that you’re sabotaging yourself, right?” Five said.

Diego pressed a silent kiss to Five’s thigh. He didn’t need telepathy to know that Five was smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> [electra-xt](https://electra-xt.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, taking prompts, come talk to me about TUA!


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